When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
