As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
