I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
