Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
