hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
