hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
