id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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