i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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