I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
