is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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