I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
