While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
