I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
