My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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