i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
