just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
