I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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