The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
