Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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