STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
