dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
