I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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