Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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