I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
