I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
