If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
