some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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