talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
