i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
