Already got asked if we're dating
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize