Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
