Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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