i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
