Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
A bitchslap is in order.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
