I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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