Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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