Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize