If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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