PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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