i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
