All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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