The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
