love makes seman taste better
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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