I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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