I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
