I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
