did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
