who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i barfeds in our rink
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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