I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
