I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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