Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
