I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
from now on my penis is your penis
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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