Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
