it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
