i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
