He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
