zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
