end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
