I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
