This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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