i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She bit a glass in half.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
