no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
