My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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