We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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