So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
