Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
