So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
