That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
