Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
