i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
