Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
