How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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