U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
