I faked an abortion last night.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
