i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hippo gnu deer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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